phoenix

I wrote this text last year. Cyran left us on May 26 at 6 p.m. Now I paint for him.

I would like to share the story of my son Cyran, 34, who has had a grade 4 malignant brain tumor for just over a year. 2021/2022 has been a terrible year with the simultaneous announcement of the death of my mother and the illness of my son. Then her father, my ex-husband, died. These events have products from a distance and with COVID I couldn't make it to my mother's funeral. I was not able to go see my son right away, who lives in the United States with his young American wife. Fortunately, I was able to visit him three times, to take him to his radiotherapy sessions, then to encourage him. Helpless, I watched as her health deteriorated rapidly. Chemo and radiotherapy did nothing, his tumor kept growing until the fateful day when he found himself on the verge of coma and death. Then the miracle happened: he was accepted into a clinical trial in New York that saved his life. In 6 months his tumor has shrunk by 85% and the doctors predict a complete cure. But beyond the miracle of medicine, there is that of positive energy. My son is a top athlete, professional rider. He has excellent physical condition and a strong mind. We talk to each other on the phone every day. When her condition deteriorated, I became her life coach. I encourage him with positive words. He does exercise, meditation and reiki. It is a whole. In October 2021 he was hemiplegic, in a wheelchair, with double vision and numbness on the left side. There was little hope and the doctors just hoped to stabilize the tumor. 3 months after starting his new treatment he started walking, running, horseback riding and driving again. He has resumed his work and leads a normal life or almost. But it's not easy. Recently 2 micro-tumors appeared, fortunately operable. As I write this text, the second tumor has been removed and the third will soon follow the same path. It is a warning. Even if everything is going well, you can't give up. Healing is at hand but the fight continues. I do not hesitate to say, to paraphrase Sartre, that hell is other people. I encounter negativity every day. Cancer is scary and some project their anxieties onto me by being aggressive. They say that "magical thinking" gives false hope to the sick. But we are going in circles: if there is no hope, what is the point of trying to cure cancer? It is hope that drives science forward. I believe that it is absolutely necessary to encourage research. And at the same time, cultivate a certain state of mind. This is what keeps us going. I am moving forward, even if it is difficult. I have no right to collapse, for my son. So I take antidepressants, I do meditation, and I stopped talking to people who don't understand. And I paint. The Phoenix canvas sums it all up, and above all expresses tremendous hope for 2022, which will be the year of rebirth for my son. Today I know that Cyran is almost cured and that his example will inspire all those who, like him, are affected by cancer.